unmistakable

It's been eight years since he left; eight years since she saw him last.
She knows she has to find him. She knows that walking up to his house, seeing him, touching him has to help. She needs to talk with him, learn for herself that he is doing okay.
There's too much history to be tossed away like it never mattered.
There's too many questions unanswered in her mind.
She knows she has to find him. Maybe then the constant dreams will stop.

hear ye hear ye

so a long long post ago, i blogged about being excited about being a mama.
we're gonna start tryin to have a baby in december. this december!

we initially were too paranoid to say when we would start tryin because we didn't want to feel pressured or held down to that if when the time came, we still wasn't ready for a baby. So then we decided to keep it general and we said we would start tryin next year (09). nothing definate.
well it so happens that a few months will make a big difference. i have got so excited about having a baby. i can't believe i'm this ready already. so we've moved it up and made it more concrete.
we figured we would start trying in december and, Lord willin', get pregnant soon after so we could have a baby next year. that would give us enough time to settle into our new house in our new community, settle down into jobs/careers, find a good doctor, most everything before the baby came next fall/winter.

holy crap. i may be a mama next year....

slow motion sorrow

this is what happens if i don't leave first.
she gives me an extra tight hug and whispers in my ear that this will be her last day here. i hug her tighter for just a second then we both let go together. she looks at me and says that she thought i would want to know- she's leaving. i tell her i think i'm gonna cry and she hugs me again and doesn't let go. she tells me she loves me. "i love you too." after a minute, i let her go so she doesn't see me cry. she hangs on, so i hold her again while tears begin to blur my vision. she gives me one more quick tight squeeze before pulling away. she smiles and goes to sit back down next to her husband for just a few minutes before leaving the sanctuary for the rest of the service. i on the other hand, sit down and let the tears fall. others look at me but avoid eye contact. i repeat in my head our sad conversation and our last hug and continue to tear up all through the sermon. i stay quiet and emotional the rest of the afternoon. it'll be the same way next week when i go back and she's not there.

if someone i am close to goes away- i.e. moves out of the community, finds another church family, goes to work somewhere else- i back off. i don't go out of my way to hang out with them, i stop going to 'girls night outs' and there are no more long meaningful talks about the future, or the present for that matter. so by the time those people move or go elsewhere, our relationship is just as casual as it was when we were first introduced.
if i leave the relationship first, it hurts less.
there are a couple downsides to this: sometimes it's depressing to just let that close personal relationship go back to "hey, how are ya? good? good. well, see ya around." AND i seem like a complete jerk when i disappear all of a sudden. of course it's never all of a sudden- it's directly after i find out one of my friends are leaving.

if i don't leave first, the same sad story plays out over and over and over.

interested in a cool car?!

So I'm selling the Black Pearl. I'm getting the word out everywhere cuz ya never know who's lookin for a car. So here's the info:

1999 BLACK MERCURY COUGAR 2D COUPE
approx 126000 miles
$5500 or best offer

Air Conditioning , AM/FM Stereo
Power Steering , Single CD Player
Power Windows , Power Seat
Power Door Locks , Moon Roof
Tilt Wheel , Cruise Control

Lots of maintenance done within the past year so it runs great. Receipts for most available.
Call Corey at 513.885.8431 (or get back to me via blog) for more information.

Even if you just know a friend that is interested in a car or if your parents have hit their midlife crisis and want a sports car, mention this car. :)

The World's Youngest Hey Jude

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

update

Daddy met with the surgeon this morning and they said that he would need to stay in the sling for another three weeks and then come back to see if it was continuing to heal itself.
So in another three weeks we'll find out if he needs surgery.

Anybody have experience working with glass/windows?
My parents really need help running the shop.

Thanks for the prayers. Keep it up. :)

nostologic: a return home

Sometimes when my life is not going good at all, I like to retreat to the shower. I turn the lights off in the bathroom, leaving the door cracked slightly for the dim light from our bedroom lamp to sneak in. I sit on the floor of the tub under hot water with my palms covering my eyes and my thumbs closing my ears. Like this, I close out all the light and every sound except the accentuated sound of the water from the shower falling on my head.

For just a little while, I am layin in my room at home under the covers with the lights out and the door closed listening to the quiet thunder and the raindrops hittin the tin roof.
At home, with my sister across the hall, my brother next door, my mama and daddy just downstairs.
At home, with no worries, nothing more important to do than listen to the rain on the tin roof.

update

I realized that I should probably give y'all an update on daddy so I didn't leave all y'all hangin.
Monday night when I called, mama said that he was planning on going into work the next day.
And even though that sounds just like my daddy, I still cried and fussed at him on the phone, asking him not to do anything stupid.
Tuesday afternoon when I called, mama said said that he had slept good Monday night and that while at work, daddy did nothing but answer the phone a couple of times and walked around outside a little bit from being so restless. But he was feeling good enough to not need his pain meds. So that was good news. Most importantly I asked if he was pickin on her, aggravatin her and she said that he'd not stopped givin her a hard time all day. That was what made me feel better- daddy's always been just a kidder. :) so that told me he was more himself.
When I called today, mama said that he had come to the shop again today but he'd been a good boy. The most he'd done all day was fill out a bank deposit slip with his left hand and walked outside some more.
So far so good. He goes back to the doctor on Monday at 830 and that's when the doctor will tell him and mama whether he'll be able to heal on his own or if he'll need surgery.

Thanks so much for all the prayers for my daddy. Continue to pray for him so maybe the report on Monday will be good.

Prayer is a powerful thing. Y'all are makin such a difference.

special request

this is a very special post today.

earlier this mornin while at work, my daddy fell off a ladder and dislocated his shoulder.
it's still uncertain how much damage was done. we find out next week at his next doctor visit whether or not he'll need surgery.
He's not the type to go the hospital, much less follow doctors orders by stayin at home doin nothin but restin for two weeks. the doctor said that it wouldn't take much movement at all to dislocate his shoulder again, causing more damage. so daddy really can't do much of anything, which alone will seem like death to him.

i'm askin everyone who reads this to please say a little prayer for Duane Pollard.






thanks so much.

who comes up with this stuff?!

so while i was at hope's house again this past weekend, she took me to lunch at a place called 'tea at the gallery' and it was exactly that. you sat at little table and had fancy teapots and little teacups and little cut sandwiches with little desserts surrounded by pieces of framed art.
it was definately a girl place and a bit uncomfortable.
we were both so out of our box in that place. we felt we had to sit up uncomfortably straight, eat perfectly mannered, not leaving a crumb anywhere and talk quietly if at all. i've never been that uncomfortable than in that place, especially with the person i consider my one true best girl friend. you have to see this:

this was the menu. seriously. this was it. tea selections, front and back.
who the crap comes up with these names? 'Assam Khongea Estate'?
i'm sorry, i thought i was ordering tea, not a a piece of landed property, esp. one of large extent with an elaborate house on it.
what the crap.
i can safely say that 'tea at the gallery' was not our cup of tea.
ba-dump chh.